from scratch

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The first thing I will say is that I liked egg salad sandwiches, but I like no-egg salad better.  The second thing I will say is that realistically, if you don’t put pickles in your egg salad there is probably something seriously wrong with you, and this recipe is as good as it is because of them. And I don’t even like pickles in sandwiches. This is a testament, y’all.

So what is the secret? If you’re vegan or like to make jokes about vegans I bet you’ve already guessed it…chickpeas. They’re like the divine’s gift to all delicious meat-free foods. Hummus, falafel, even cookies! (I can’t find the cookie recipe now, but if I ever rediscover how I made those you know I’ll share it, they were awesome)

The best thing about this sandwich is the combination of the chickpeas and the whole wheat bread are a complete protein (I am probably going to write more about this soon). People love protein, right? They must, because seriously it’s all I ever hear about. Balance and moderation, people – she says as she snarfs more pizza on the couch in her pajamas (pizza, cheese + bread = also a complete protein, BOOM).

Anyway.

NO-EGG SALAD

YOU WILL NEED:

~16 oz cooked chickpeas (also known as garbanzo beans) or really, just however many you want for a sandwich
pickles as desired
veganaise -  I used Vegenaise brand by Follow Your Heart. I don’t know why they chose to spell it that way, though. (you could use mayo but since it has eggs in it kinda defeats the purpose)

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Optionally you can also add the other weird crap people put in egg salad to this, but that’s work and raw celery completely overpowers everything. I keep it simple and give wannabe gourmands wicked side-eye. But do you, boo. Do you.

INSTRUCTIONS

Mash the chickpeas.

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They don’t have to be super fine but keep in mind the fact that the chunkier they are the more likely it is your sandwich is going to be crumby…..BADUMTCHSSSSS. Sorry, not sorry.

Add pickles and mayo, as desired.

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Even though Follow Your Heart (who didn’t pay me to use this but may if they like) doesn’t have questionable ingredients, like soy for example, the fact that it is mayo still makes me use it sparingly. I later went back and added more. Also more pickles. (The jar is glass, btw, but the lid is plastic and it comes with one of those useless plastic seals. SO, IDK. Not really plastic free. In the future I am going to look into a vegan mayo recipe and see if I can do that plastic-free)

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Make your sandwich. I am trusting that this doesn’t need instructions.

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Annnd sandwich. Now take a friend on a picnic and ask them how the eff they are doing.

Pura Vida!

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Yes, I know it sounds impossible, but I did it. A couple years ago when my friend/hetero life partner Kelly found the recipe online (potentially this instructables recipe) we nearly lost our damn minds. CAKE. IN 5 MINUTES (OR LESS)? Shut. Up.

How is this green, or more sustainable, or waste free, you ask? Well, frankly, it technically isn’t. I mean, YES IT IS, all of the ingredients could feasibly be found in bulk, fair trade, vegan, made of moon beams, etc. It’s not 100%, but it’s a step ahead of making a whole chocolate cake, or a whole batch of brownies and then eating them all yourself…like I NEVER ever do. Regularly. Ahem.

Also, it uses less energy, sort of. I took a World Religion and Ecology class this spring semester, and the first class my professor asked who still uses a microwave, and it scared the daylights out of me. I love my microwave. I use it every day, and often lean on it and talk on my cell phone while it is in use…I KID.

So I was scared, right? And I came home and immediately launched into one of my declarative question statements Justin has learned to fear and loathe. They usually start, “So…I was thinking, and because [X event happened], I want to [drastic lifestyle change].” They usually end with him trying to talk me out of it by any means necessary. He is usually about 40 per cent successful with this tactic, depending on the subject.

This time I said “So today my professor was asking the class what kind of stuff they use at home, and its environmental health impact. He mentioned microwaves.”

To which I think Justin responded with an all-out defense of microwaves and radiation in general. Probably also nuclear fission and the 2nd amendment. I don’t really remember. He also said that microwaves, the way they’re built anyway, are supposed to shield their surroundings from harmful waves and that you can only be really affected when you stand right next to it/touch it. I didn’t buy it. I had another conversation about it with Ana, my lovely pre-med friend and Kelly’s flatmate. Her parents are both doctors, and she confirmed all of my deepest darkest fears by saying, “My mom never uses the microwave. I think she broke it intentionally years ago and just refuses to get a new one.”

So I spent the next two to three weeks using the oven and stovetop for EVERYTHING. Yeah, I didn’t do any personal research at first, I just kind of let fear rule me. Sometimes you need food (or for me most of the time, tea) in a hurry.

But then for my class, we read a book called Serve God, Save the Planet, in which Dr. Matthew Sleeth suggests using a microwave is a the most efficient way to cook food, since it uses a smaller amount of energy in a shorter amount of time. And he’s a doctor. Not an oncologist, per se, but a doctor nonetheless. So maybe Justin was right? The internet is no help on this one, there is a lot of conflicting squabbling on the subject. So is it safe?

Not sure, but the microwave habit is hard to break, especially knowing that a brownie is achievable near-instantly. But the jury’s out on this one.

My most frequent uses of the microwave are for:
1) Hot water (for tea).
2) To bring margarine to room temp for baking.
3) To thaw frozen veg, beans, or soup.
4) Rarely: to heat up frozen food, like tamales. I almost never heat refrigerated food. I don’t see the point, or the difference. Cold pizza has its charms.

Potential solutions?
1) Electric kettle, though it violates my “I don’t need more stuff” philosophy, or regular kettle on gas oven (more energy usage?) So, no good solutions. Maybe just less (hot) tea? My English heritage is horrified. Sun tea is an option, though it terrifies me how many people make sun tea in plastic bottles. Terrifies.
2) Plan ahead, and wait for it to defrost/warm up, duh.
3) See #2
4) Hmm. Probably # 2 again. Let it thaw in the fridge. I can live with that.

Anyway, if you have solutions, shoot them at me!

& now, finally, MUG BROWNIE!

YOU WILL NEED
A mug
A microwave
¼ cup (4 tablespoons) flour (I use organic unbleached all-purpose for extra sinfulness, but 100 per cent whole wheat works)
¼ cup sugar (I use unrefined evaporated cane, but you can use any sweetener. My most recent scary declarative was that I’m going to try to give up refined sugar…but this isn’t refined, so…it doesn’t count?)
2 tablespoons cocoa powder
2 tablespoons margarine, at room temp (the original recipe calls for vegetable oil, I always used olive)
2 tablespoons water

OPTIONAL EXTRAS (for maximized awesome)
handful of chocolate chips
handful of walnuts
1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract (or just a couple drops, really)
powdered sugar or raspberry preserves (or both!) for topping.

Stir the flour, sugar and cocoa powder together, add the margarine. Mix well, then add water. Microwave on high for 60 seconds (requires less effort than pressing 1-0-0, right?!). Let it cool for a bit.

DEVOUR ALL OF THE THINGS.

You’re welcome. Pura (in that only your happiness is pure) vida!

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Check. That. Out.

Ok, so remember in August when I posted my whole wheat beer bread recipe like it was the be all, end all of bread? Oh, was I wrong. How wrong I was. Ease and Convenience, my friends, you have failed me. Yeast bread is always better.

Granted, the beer bread is still a pretty cool quick bread recipe. If you need a passable sandwich, or pretty decent rustic baguette in under an hour, go for it. But if you’re trying to wean yourself off of store-bought plastic-wrapped sandwich bread, suck it up and do it the old-fashioned way.

“The old-fashioned way” involves yeast, kneading, and waiting. But it yields much better results and is kind of worth not having fresh bread really fast. And at first, my results were really disappointing. I couldn’t figure out why my yeast bread was coming out of the oven looking like a small chunk of concrete.

Surely there had to be a better way. So I did some internet research, and actually minded all of the old-school baking advice I’d conveniently ignored in the past.  This post was really helpful, as was another that pretty much concluded that whole wheat flour sucks at rising depending where it’s from, and that’s due to the gluten content.

Oh no, I’ve said the bad word. Gluten. Honestly, while I understand why wheat gluten (dreadlord of all gluten) is becoming a problem, evidenced by the upswing of celiac disease and gluten sensitivity, and I totally respect that it’s a serious problem for a growing number of people, especially in the US, for those who don’t have a sensitivity or allergy, there is little reason to avoid it. Unless your diet isn’t varied enough or you are using wheat products as a main staple in your diet, I can’t see why you need to run out and buy all kinds of overpriced, overpackaged “solutions” to the “problem.”

The reason for the vehemence on the subject (which I’ve found is incredibly touchy for some) is that a number of health food stores and restaurants are cashing in on the gluten-free craze by fueling the fad. Some doctors even recommend gluten-free diets for digestive problems, weight loss, skin conditions, etc. There have been studies, which I’m sure were extremely conclusive about the dangers of not eating well.

However, I am not a doctor, so my opinion doesn’t have any weight here. Sometimes people try a gluten-free diet and realize they have a sensitivity. Hell, I might have a sensitivity! And I can certainly get on board with breaking from mono-culture, and the wheat dependence in the US.

So what’s my answer to the wheat dilemma? Well, I don’t have one. I do eat less bread these days, and what flour I do buy is organic, which might be better but I couldn’t tell you how much. The truth is bread is a pretty integral part of my cultural diet identity. Toast for breakfast, Pb&J for lunch, rolls or biscuits or garlic bread with dinner, that’s how I was raised. I’ve already shifted my diet a lot in the past few years to center it away from meat-substitutes and animal products, and like I said, I’m eating way less bread. It’s an ongoing endeavor.

Anyway, tangent over, the reason I mentioned it is because the secret to fluffy, rising 100 per cent whole wheat bread is just that: vital wheat gluten. The gluten is actually the protein part of the grain, and is what gives bread dough the elasticity to stretch and rise. The yeast is what does the actual work. Whole wheat flours, depending where the wheat was harvested, will have differing amounts of gluten. In my experience, the gluten content is low enough that I was baking dry whole wheat bricks.

Okay, I lied, there are actually 2 ways (only one of which I have tried) to bake a better whole wheat loaf.

1) Add a tablespoon of vital wheat gluten for each cup of flour.

2) Knead the dough until your arms fall off.

I always pick Option 1, because kneading for longer than 5 minutes makes me want to fall asleep with the dough as a pillow. Unfortunately, I can’t find vital wheat gluten in anything other than Bob’s Red Mill plastic bags. I go through it really really slowly, so I’m hoping by the time I finish up this bag (which I’ve had for several months, and made seitan a few times in addition to bread baking) I’ll find a plastic free way to buy it. Or I’ll have acquired…

A seafoam green Kitchenaid stand mixer with a dough hook attachment and opened a bakery with Jenny. Though technically it’s called “pistachio.” Ah, dreams.

My bread recipe is a modified version of the King Arthur recipe. Also, my bread looks more awesome. Just sayin’.

YOU WILL NEED:

3 1/2 cups whole wheat flour
3 tablespoons vital wheat gluten flour
2 1/2 teaspoons instant yeast
1/4 cup sugar(or other sweetener such as honey, molasses, or maple syrup)
1 1/4 cup warm water
1/4 cup olive oil
1 teaspoon salt

YIELDS 1 loaf

INSTRUCTIONS:

In a large bowl, mix flour, VWG, instant yeast, and sweetener. Add warm water and stir until the dough becomes too stiff and knead by hand until well mixed. Probably you could add the oil at this point, but I vaguely recall doing that a few times and getting really stiff dough in return. Not adding it yet has served me quite well, so we’ll go with that.

Now, wash your hands and go do something for like 15 minutes. This way the dough has time to rest (or autolyse) and get even more malleable and awesome. Integral step.

Come back, and add your oil and salt. Knead. Knead. Knead some more. Technically speaking you should kneading for like, 15-20 minutes. Not gonna lie, I don’t do this. I maybe knead it for like 5, or longer until it’s well mixed and malleable and stretchy. 10 max.

Form a ball and cover the dough in the bowl with a towel (a damp, warmed towel if it’s really cold and dry out) and forget about it for several hours. Seriously, the longer you let the dough rise, the better it will be. All recipes say until it doubles in size, and that it will start to get funny if you leave it too long, but I once forgot about the dough for like 5 or 6 hours and it came out amazing.

Remember your dough, uncover it, smush it gently into a ball, and form it into a loaf. You don’t want to wring all of the gases out, but you also want to make sure you’re not going to bake bread with a giant hole in the center. Place the loaf in your greased loaf pan and forget about it again. It should rise for about an hour, but I tend to leave it longer. I usually put it in the oven when the top starts to look precariously high above the pan’s edge.

Before baking, about 90 minutes 2nd rise time.

Bake it at 350 Fahrenheit for about 40-45 minutes, or until the loaf sounds hollow when you tap it.

After.

Et voila! Your bread should be awesome. If not, I apologize deeply for misleading you into thinking I ever know what I’m talking about. Hopefully you’ve learned a lesson about listening to me. EDIT: Wait to slice your bread until it’s cooled. It makes a difference in the consistency, promise. Wait, no, why are you listening to me?!

Toast, DIY Nutella in moderation, and pura vida!

p.s. A friend (who was super impressed by my bread, FYI) asked me how many calories there are in a slice. I have no fucking idea, and that is the way I like it.

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Yes. I made these/am inordinately proud of the steam capture photography. Skip down to the recipe if you’ve got a TL;DNR situation going in your salivary glands.

*peers in* O HAI.

So it seems that regular posting when life picks up is kind of beyond me…Well, I didn’t make any promises to you, but if you want to break up anyway TOO BAD, BECAUSE I WILL NEVER LET YOU GO.

I’ve been up to a number of increasingly tedious (and some not!) things lately, like car maintenance (long story, involving my procrastinating and a worse-than-I-thought accident a year ago), watching Doctor Who and Torchwood excessively, celebrating being ALIVE with my BFFL Jenny Teacups & old friends, starting a new semester at uni (Where am I picking up these Britishisms? *refers back to Doctor Who watching* Oh.), wrangling with the expenses for said overpriced university, container gardening, knitting, reading a lot and forgetting to update my Goodreads account, baking lots of muffins, getting a used BIKE!, going from eco-annoyance to full blown terrorism!, and working.

Now that I’m back at school, I’m working at the student run newspaper, so when I have articles published I’ll probably link them here, if they’re decent, or let them wither in the internet void, where they belong. I may or may not be starting a column for students about reducing wasteful consumption on campus/in general. Leave me some column name suggestions in the comments?

OH YEAH, I also have two new best friends. Meet Tallulah and Dr. River Song:


River is the black and white beauty, and Tallulah is the neurotic silvery gray spaz. No OF COURSE I don’t have a favorite…

It was a nice surprise coming home from work to find a cutie like Tallulah in her cage waiting for me, even if she is bipolar and antisocial. After reading up that rats need company for optimal happiness, we found River at a Petsmart and brought her home to meet her new BFF. No, neither of them have Facebook pages…yet.

As far as reducing my consumption of disposables, I feel like I don’t have much to say, even though I made a delicious vegan basil pesto yesterday with basil I’ve been growing on my porch (and a few weeks ago made a kick-ass rosemary foccacia to go with the same), have switched almost entirely to plastic free toiletries (separate entry, coming soon, promise!), and generally try to find a new thing to de-plastic-ify every week. I think I’m going to start doing smaller entries to document them, because it seems I’ve devolved into just posting recipes once a week, which isn’t really what I started this blog to do. I wanted to document my little struggles in trying to reduce my impact on the world and live a cleaner, more pure life, una vida pura. So, without further digression, it’s tortilla time.

Tortillas are pretty much a staple in my diet. Quesadillas, tacos, burritos, tortilla pizzas, you name it, I can probably make it with a tortilla. Justin loves tortilla chips, and these just take a 15 minute sojourn in the oven at 350 to become that. Unfortunately, it’s pretty much impossible to buy them without packaging, but after a quick google search I found out they’re really easy to make with like, two ingredients! And NOT in the same way the cornflakes were…

HOMEMADE TORTILLA RECIPE

YOU WILL NEED:
2 cups masa harina (corn flour/masa) I used MaSeCa brand, ~4 dollars at my local Ralphs grocery store (I’ve heard it’s cheaper at Food4Less, but I think I’ll try to find it in bulk next time).
1 & 1/2 cups of water
1 tortilla press or something to squish/roll out the tortillas (plus parchment paper/unsticky thing)
1 cast iron frying pan

YIELDS 16 tortillas

Disclaimer: I made them without a tortilla press, using two cutting boards instead to squish them flat. I also used a gallon sized plastic bag, because I don’t have parchment paper and we don’t use the plastic bags left over from Justin’s pre-Erika days for anything. I don’t recommend it. But it works pretty well…The plan is to eventually get a used tortilla press on freecycle or something, but to prevent sticking the plastic/parchment paper is still pretty essential. At least I can reuse the plastic bag over and over (I hand wash it with cool water and air dry to prevent leaching) but it’s still not optimal. Suggestions?
I also used a stainless steel frying pan when the recipe called for cast iron, because I don’t have a cast iron pan and I don’t want to buy a new one. The stainless steel obviously worked fine, but I’d like to try it with cast iron, if anyone’s got one lying around they don’t use.

INSTRUCTIONS:
Mix together your masa and water. Knead it until mixed and even.


The dough should be smooth and firm and “clean” the bowl. If it’s sticky you didn’t use enough masa, if it’s powdery you didn’t use enough water. The proportion I listed above worked perfectly, but it wasn’t the recipe amount listed on the package.


Pull out a golf ball sized amount of dough.


Roll/squish/press out your tortilla, peel it off the non-sticking apparatus, and drop it on the pan at medium-highish heat.


Cook on each side FOR THIRTY SECONDS ONLY. If you overcook the tortilla, it will be too stiff to bend without breaking. I can always tell if a tortilla is ready to flip if the spatula slides under easily and it seems to float on the pan. Repeat until you run out of dough.

That’s it! You now have 16 of exceptionally tasty tortillas made without weird preservatives and not shipped to you in plastic from who-knows-where made who-knows-when.

You will all now become this:

Tacos y Burritos

You’re welcome. iPura vida!

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So I’ve teased, and I’ve taunted, and I’ve led you on. It’s basically a high school flirtation only I’m actually posting it so…actual emotional fulfillment? Whatever, you get closure and I don’t have to worry about drunken 4 am phone calls.

Dream a little dream of me.

REVIEWS:
“UHHHMUHGUUUUH”-me
“It’s too much, really”-Andy Estep in a completely unrelated conversation.
“*nom nom nom*”- Justin

5 INGREDIENT CHOCOLATE MOUSSE RECIPE

YOU WILL NEED:
2 ripe avocados
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 cup sweetener (I used honey, because I’m a diehard beegan, but agave or dates or maybe even maple syrup? would work)
1-2 teaspoons vanilla extract
& the secret ingredient: a splash (maybe a tablespoon?) of olive oil OR almond milk. I’m preeetty sure I’ve done both. Or just olive oil both times. Sorry, there was a Wine Tuesday involved, I’m surprised I remember at all.
+ a blender/food processor

SERVES 2

I got this recipe from these two places, but had some difficulty getting it to blend, maybe due to my using honey instead of agave. I added olive oil to correct this, and it made it a LOT lighter and stopped my blender making that horrible noise/smell.

INSTRUCTIONS:
Slice avocados open and scoop the fruit into the blender/food processor.

Combine with other ingredients & blend until smooth. Set in the freezer or refrigerator for an hour or two:

Or serve immediately!


I topped mine with sliced up giant chocolate chunk cookies for which I just halved my perfect chocolate chip cookie recipe (Phoebe’s grandmother’s friend Nestlay Tolhooose, anyone?) which you can find on the back of any package of sugar, flour or chocolate chips (minus eggs, sub 1 tsp. cornstarch & 3 tsp. water) & baked at 350 for 15-17 minutes.

Et voila! Enjoy, and pura vida!

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Creamer Cow is suspicious of this taco filling (black bean, onion & taco seasoning).

I’m pretty lazy when it comes to planning and cooking meals. And grocery shopping. This means that when meal-time rolls around I can reliably be found doing things like ordering pizza, spooning honey out of a jar, or living exclusively on PB&J until I run out of one of the ingredients and am forced to put on pants and stumble irately into civilization.
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One of my biggest challenges in creating less waste has been buying & storing bread. I’d never noticed before I started worrying about the content of my food & the way it is packaged, but most bread is baked with bleached, enriched flour, and wrapped in not one, but usually TWO plastic bags. Mind boggling.

I grew up eating enriched, bleached flour white bread, or enriched wheat bread, what I call “sawdust” bread. It doesn’t taste bad, but it’s not very healthy, and my mom gravitates toward the cheapest “value” brands like a fly to honey. Now that I know how little nutrition those brands contain, it makes sense how cheap they are.

After I got obsessive about reading the ingredient label (you’ll find some surprising things there) and managed to only buy whole grain or whole wheat bread, I had to focus on getting rid of the plastic. I tried buying from my grocer’s bakery, but there were plastic windows in the paper wrapping, buying directly from a bakery, but the loaves were gigantic and by the time I got through with it the loaf was stale (I stored it in the fridge in paper—BAD IDEA!), even after eating nothing but toast & grilled cheese every day. Which was delicious, but boring.
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Apparently, failure tastes like dusty cornflakes.

One of the biggest challenges to eradicating plastic from my pantry has been accommodating the seemingly endless voracious appetite of my boyfriend, who at 6’6″, and topping out at slightly less pounds than the 8 inches shorter me, has both hollow legs & apparently, a black hole where his stomach should be. Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating a LITTLE, but it’s kind of emotionally traumatizing to come home expecting at least half of the ENTIRE leftover pizza from the night before to be there and finding only crumbs.

Anyway, part of the reason for the voracity is because Justin is pretty much a twenty-something absent-minded professor, and he’ll get so engrossed in a photo project that he’ll forget to eat for like, ten hours, and then drag himself, shaking and starving, into the kitchen and grab for the first item he can ingest with the most facility. So basically chips, or cereal, or other easy to grab foods that only really come in plastic bags.
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